This morning I woke up to the rhythmic tapping of rain and scratching of branches on my bedroom window. It was soothing, calming but slightly saddening all the same. As a busy person by nature, the rain makes me feel stagnant, trapped and bored. Limited by the activity I can do outside. Which feels ironically similar to my life currently. Although, I am beginning to believe that God has me right here, right now for a very specific reason. For two months now I have been trying to figure out what that reason is. What I am doing wrong. Why God has not given me a nursing job, why my career has not started, why I feel like I am wasting my God given gifts by not contributing financially to my family… I have worked continually since high school, helping support myself and my dreams. However, right now I find myself here.. “unemployed”. I have a growing photography business, but I just wonder why I cannot break open my career of nursing, something I have worked so hard for. But last night, as I lay in bed crying with my husband (who held my hand with comfort), he told me what I needed to hear, but not exactly what I wanted to hear. And for that.. I am so grateful. The problem with the whole situation is the “I”. “I” am wanting to change things, “I” am wanting my nursing career to start, “I” am wanting all of my life's ambitions to unfold when “I” desire. But where is God in all this? I am a determined person, a driven person, a motivated person… and God made me that way. Right now He has blessed me with an amazing husband who works hard every day to support us. He has me here, with talent, skill and passion… and all the while I have been fighting Him. So today is a new day. The fight stops.
That tapping of rain on my window, is not sad. It is God. God telling me to embrace the opportunities that are right here, right now. To take that determination, motivation and driven nature to glorify Him, in the best way that He sees fit. Right now I am to serve and empower women as a volunteer nurse at the Women's Resource Clinic, support women as a volunteer Doula at the hospital, give parents a time to reconnect by caring for their children, focus on building a business that captures special moments of those around me through photography… and when or if he feels my nursing career should start, it will. Then at that time it will be all the more plentiful, powerful and amazing, then I could ever make it now.
So please become a part of this journey. Right now in the calm, in the rain… let me serve you. Together we will see what blooms in the spring.
“You heavens above, rain down my righteousness; let the clouds shower it down. Let the earth open wide, let salvation spring up, let righteousness flourish with it; I, the LORD, have created it.” Isaiah 45:8