Plain and simple--- it’s becoming real. I am more and more aware with each passing day how our lives are about to change. Everyday Baby B becomes more active, almost as if
she it is trying to escape. Everyday Hannah becomes slightly more clingy, almost as if she realizes Baby B will be escaping soon (changing her life forever).
When I was pregnant with Hannah---- I was naive. I knew that sleep deprivation was about to come, but had no idea what sleep deprivation really meant. I knew that she would cry, but had no idea she would cry so much it would bring me to tears. I knew she would challenge and convict me, but I had no idea how often I would fall to my knees begging for the Lords guidance and wisdom. Mostly--- I knew that I would love her, but had no idea the depth and impact of that love.
This time around I feel a little more nervous, a lot more anxious to find out the gender, but just as excited. Last night, I laid in bed, wishing I was sleeping. Instead I was listening to my daughter
screaming calling for me from her crib. Our separation anxiety has hit an all time high--- those who say kids can’t perceive when another baby is coming, you have not yet met my daughter. Anyways, after three hours when we get her back to sleep--- Baby B decides that’s the perfect opportunity to run a marathon. It became real. It became real that from here on out--- sleep is something that may or more likely, may not happen.
However I could not be more excited to experience a whole new realm of sleep deprivation. I know this will be a transition for Hannah and myself, but I could not be more excited for that either. Although separating and sharing mommy will be hard--- there is no doubt in my mind that Hannah is going to be an amazing big sister. She loves babies; feeding them, sharing with them, giving them kisses and hugs--- her sweet and loving spirit melts my heart.
So I guess to conclude this mish-mosh of thoughts and emotions, all I can say is that it’s all becoming real. The excitement is real. The nervousness is real. The fear is real. The love is real.