Before this journey of motherhood began, I had no idea what it could and would do to me. It has changed, challenged and grown me in ways I never could have fathomed. Her smile can touch parts of my heart that I never thought possible.
I am currently sitting on the floor in a playroom--- toys are spread all around me, with a mixture of childrens and adults praise music playing the background, my daughter is asleep on my chest, and tears are brought to my eyes as I think of where we once were and where we have come. Realizing that at every point in life we have a choice to make. A choice to sulk in the struggle or a choice to find the hidden blessing. A year ago today, I as sitting the hospital waiting to be discharged from my daughters jaundice treatment. At the time those were four of the longest days of my life. A screaming sick baby, who had “sunglasses” glued to her face, and a hormonal sleep deprived mom who wanted nothing more than a healthy baby and her own home. At the time, I chose to sulk, and that was a mistake. I had a baby who wanted to snuggle, who was very healthy for being a month early, family and friends showed us so much love and support--- we really were blessed.
Now a year later, I no longer have a baby--- I have a toddler, a 30.5inch toddler. A crawling and couch surfing toddler. A laughing and crying toddler. A independent yet very much mommy attached toddler. A toddler who has changed my world and my perspective. Within the past couple months some medical issues have arisen, which has led to the DMV revoking my drivers license (temporarily, I hope). As I feel a total loss of control, struggle to function in my daily life, and adjust to being totally dependent upon other people--- she brings me joy. She makes my problems seem small. When she randomly gives me slobbery baby kisses, my heart is melted. When she gives me a hug and her little hand pat-pats on my shoulder, my heart is happy. When she pulls up to a stand on my legs and dances with me, my attitude is changed. Without even knowing it, she teaches me that very few things in life should be taken seriously. I'm humbled by her kind, sweet, pure, and joyful spirit.
So although life has temporarily changed, and something's are currently more difficult…. I realize that I am more blessed then ever before. I am now completely aware that is not how much I do in a day, but rather what I do with my day. I have been forced to slow down and instead of grocery shopping, running errands and “being productive”----we now have dance parties every morning, spend many hours on this very playroom floor sharing, reading, building, talking and even crying.
I’m amazed truly amazed at how much my one year old can teach me. Hannah you are a gift from God. I thank God everyday for the past year with you, I thank him for your spunky personality, your determined nature and your sweet spirit. You have not only made me a mommy, you have made me a better person. I am eternally grateful for all that you are to our family. Your daddy and I love you sooo very much. God Bless you Hannah. Can’t wait to see all that happens in the next year, I know you will continue changing the world, well maybe just ours!